The Briefing
by Forseti Purge
Summary: The Scoobies are briefed by the most foul-mouthed guy in their knowledge. Can they survive his cursing? First fanfic, rate and review please.


DISCLAIMER

THE DEPARTED, BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER, and whatever and whoever there are in them are not mine.

NOTES

1. This is my first fanfic. Review, feedback, and critics are so welcomed.

2. I have to admit that I am not a Buffy fan (which is why I made up a neighborhood in Sunnydale), but I do agree that the show is good. That said, I find it challenging to combine Buffy with my top movie all-time that is the Departed. You do not need to watch the movie to understand the scene below.

3. However, if you go to youtube then look up for "dignam briefs" and click the first result, you will understand this scene MUCH more clearly. And if you're interested, you may also wiki Keris.

4. ENJOY!

* * *

"Sorry I'm late," the guy said as he entered the room.

For a man, the guy was medium-sized, Buffy observed. Giles was taller than the guy. He was as tall as Spike was. And not as attractive, because he looked like, like, just a regular employee in some...office. He dressed in, what, black tie and grey shirt? The guy had no fashion sense, to say the least. To say the most, he was not powered in a sense the Scoobies were.

Still, Giles regarded him with great respect, this Buffy knew from her mentor's tone, which buzzed her, as he spoke about him. "Staff Sergeant Dignam is our liaison to human-matter undercover office. His work connecting people like us and cops here is extensive. Sergeant Dignam,"

"Okay," Dignam said, bored, "My people are out there. They're like fucking Indians. You're not gonna see them; you're not gonna hear about them, except through me or Captain Queenan. You will not ever, know the identity of them undercover people.

"Unfortunately this shithole has more fucking leaks than Iraqi Navy." He glanced at Giles.

"Fuck yourself," Giles snarked. What! When was the last time Giles cursed?

"I'm tired from fucking your wife," Dignam shot nonchalantly.

"How's your mother?"

"Good, she's tired from fucking my father."

Giles nodded. They were, like, chill. Why Buffy had no idea. She merely stared at them, half-amused half-awkward.

Dignam returned to the Scoobies. Behind him Giles shook his head understandingly.

"Good. Today, bitches-"

The door was opened. Xander. He came late, checking his watch with regret, walking immediately to Giles to ask what he had missed. Dignam proceeded.

"Somebody, as you may already know, stole one hundred of keris from Indonesian Consulate at Sunnydale."

Buffy, as did the Scoobies, started taking notes, just like Dignam began using his power-point. The first slide was some ancient dagger-thingy that are quite wavy.

"This is the kind of daggers, that could make the user going apeshit in revenge, like Nemesis lost her ass. These pieces of iron worth a hundred grand a piece. Now, get this. We've got a guy working for the Consulate two months, walked out the door with a box of keris on Tuesday, has a ticket booked to Florida on Wednesday, but on Thursday he gets found on a dumpster. You know where this dirt ball started his life? Da Hood, Sunnydale."

Da Hood. Every Scoobies knew that area. They called it the ass-end of Sunnydale. Not wrong, technically. Da Hood is the south of Sunnydale, where everything and everyone...went South. You know, as the idiom said, get it? It's a place that even demons lacked the guts to enter, because the humans in that place were, err, ah, unpleasant...beyond belief.

"What's his name?" Buffy asked. "The departed-guy?"

"Arturo Calderon. Got the job with forged Sunnydale Community College transcript. SCC South, which happens to be in..."

"Da Hood?" Xander completed-

"Oh you're fucking genius, ha, who forged your transcript, dickhead?"

Xander gaped and goggled, dumbstruck.

Buffy tried to defuse. "Hey, hey, this guy—his old man runs the Mexican taco shop. Calderon's."

Dignam snorted. He took a short breath and looked around, like he was frustrated. Over what?

"We're not here to solve the case of missing scumbag." Giles spoke for his friend. "We're here to nail Costello."

Buffy blushed, embarrassed, did not know what to say. Silly me, Buffy thought. Yes, the Scoobies were here to nail the rogue leprechaun freak.

"All right, look," Dignam restarted. His patience was lower than Drusilla's IQ. "We got a guy says he hears Costello moves the entire process to China. He set the whole fuckin' job, popped Calderon. You-" Dignam stressed, "do not want to miss if Costello takes a dump."

"We'd miss less if your informants were available to us, and of course to the Watchers' Council," Giles pointed out.  
Dignam just sneered.

"Without asking for too many details," Xander raised a question, "Do you have anyone in with Costello presently?"

Dignam stared at Xander briefly and snarkily. Then,

"Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe fuck yourself." Say, this is the kind of a guy who could turn Dark Willow normal just by sheer snarkiness. "My theory on you Spoonies is you're like mushrooms. Feed you shit and keep in the dark. You bitches have a good day."

Dignam walked out the room.

Everyone was silent when he left. The guy was first of his kind. Not Spike, not Angelus, not Riley, not...nobody was like this guy. He was bad, but, oh, how did we put it?

And somehow Buffy, still giggling, found Dignam cute. Ish. Hey, she had fallen for vampire, twice, why can't she get interested with Sir Cluster F. Bomb?  
Giles, far more experienced than all Scoobies were, spoke. "Normally, he's, uh, very nice guy."

The Scoobies laughed.

"Don't judge him from this meeting alone."


End file.
